it reads 118lbs but all I see is 180lbs… &i look at myself in the mirror, &feel like I look like a whale which I know is nowhere near true, but I think that means I may be on a verge for an eating disorder… but not close enough that I can still see it by myself(:
I used to spend the majority of my day weighing myself, doing quick little exercises to see if my weight magically decreased, &if not, I would decrease my calorie intake drastically.
This was my daily routine, I dropped weight very quickly &I didn’t necessarily feel better in my skin, but I did feel amazing looking at photos where I could actually see my collarbone &my flabby arms getting much smaller. (almost skeleton-like) It was nice to actually like my candid photos without feeling the need to photoshop out my stubborn muffin tops.
But, I realized that I wasn’t being healthy, I was barely eating &over-exercising my body. I weighed about 120lbs the beginning of my senior year, &by prom, I weighed as low as 107lbs. It may not sound like a big difference, but I don’t think 120lbs is that bad, I was only aiming for 110lbs, but I pushed myself too far. My healthy hair started to thin out really badly, which I feel like was a result of my unhealthy eating habits &somewhat malnutrition but I’m honestly unsure. (and, I would realllly love to get my hair back T-T)
I would really love to weigh 100lbs by the summer, but I know that is not how I should be looking at this journey to a healthy lifestyle. Instead of looking for a decrease in numbers, I should be focusing on working my fitness while also making sure to eat healthy food in the right proportions. Besides, if my memory serves me correct, muscle tends to weigh more than fat, so depending on my scale for proof of success is out of the question.
More than anything, I would love to wear a bikini to the beach without worrying about my belly jiggling around if I wanna run around, play football, etc. My ultimate reward for achieving my ideal body would have to be a belly ring and/or tattoo. But of course, I still have a lot of time to decide, &prolonging my decision for a tattoo will help me ponder whether it is something that I really want, &I also get to decide whether my body will look too good to mess up such beautiful work given to me from God.